My Take on Pasanga 2

These are a series of posts about a boy full of life, a happy child who sees no differences in people. A boy who thinks each and every person out there is a friend. A boy who doesn't see that people are judging him because he is different. It is about a boy who faces the usual challenges of a boy his age and several more challenges than a boy his age.

Pasanga 2 is another version of the popular and brilliantly made Taare Zameen Pe. Here's my disclaimer before I attempt to share my thoughts on this movie. When I saw Taare Zameen Pe, I was moved by its sheer brilliance and the fact that I remembered some aspects of dyslexia based on my Child Psychology paper.  When I saw Pasanga 2, I was 'affected' as I was seeing it through the eyes of a parent of a child with a learning disability (LD). 

What I Liked: 

• I love the fact that movies are being made on such sensitive topics.  I am asked why I send my son to a school 3 kms away and I honestly answer that he is in special education and is dyslexic. I feel so disappointed when an educated person with a clueless expression asks 'What's that?' They may understand if you mention Taare Zammen Pe. :| These movies help educate people about the learning disabilities and the challenges that parents and children face and some facilities that are available today.  
• Pasanga 2 managed to make me feel very emotional in the parts where the children struggle to be accepted and understood in a world where everything is black and white. Do teachers, parents, or just people understand how difficult it is for a child with LD to adjust and adapt to an academic environment? 
• I could also relate to the helpless that parents experience when they are trying to figure out the answer to the question 'WHY?' It takes time for parents to fully accept that a child may be different. Like in the movie, I remember relatives asking me if the child will at least come in the top three in class, and I was also advised to send the child to a hostel for better discipline. I was grateful that neither my husband nor I prolonged the torture to trying to make the child 'fit' in the academic space. We were never keen on ranks, exams, prestigious institutions, top jobs, and so on. We were sure that we want both our children to only enjoy school and learning will happen in a positive environment. They will find something that they are good at and pursue it. 
• There was a child psychiatrist and a special educator int he movie. I think both play a crucial role. Sometimes, I hear that a special educator is doing assessments for a child and then suggesting remediation. I wonder why the parents do not insist on meeting a child development specialist or a child psychiatrist and doing a formal assessment before even deciding on the treatment/remediation plans. In the movie, the child psychiatrist also works very closely with the parents to counsel them and bring about a mind shift in terms of how they view their child and their expectations from the child. The doctor can really help you de-stress if they give you the time to talk about your worries.     

What Irked Me: 

• While making movies on sensitive topics, the storyteller should do extensive research to ensure that he/she really understands what he/she is saying. This movie unfortunately got very preachy at some points and I found it very difficult to digest certain things. 
• The movie begins by showing for two pregnant women do during their pregnancies. One woman is constantly fighting with her husband. She also opts for a cesarean to ensure that her child is born at an auspicious time. The other woman works long hours, has Pepsi (seriously?), and watches a horror movie all alone at home (SERIOUSLY?). Later in the movie, these women ask the special educator what she did to get such angelic children. And would you believe it... the special educator actually starts narrating how she did things PERFECTLY doing her pregnancy. So this is what she says.... Her doctor advises her to have a C-Section, but she refuses and goes to  her parent's place in the village to have a natural delivery at home. During her pregnancy, she asks her husband to tell her that he loves her everyday. He does better than that he gives her a gift for each day that passes. She does yoga, reads and talks to her baby, pulls water out of the well, and so on. Therefore, VOILA... she has perfect children. I get the intent I really do. There are good practices that you must follow when pregnant. Does this mean leave your job and have your child in your native village? I think this portion of the movie is horribly flawed. Aren't there cases where you have not had Pepsi or fought with your husband or watched or horror movie, but are still blessed with a gifted child? Movie makers please be more sensitive toward the parents. They don't have to be blamed. It a horribly wrong message to send out.        
• The movie also touches on commercialization of educational institutions. Parents today run behind expensive schools assuming the quality of education is better. They are standing in long queues praying for admission into such a school. While I completely agree that the education system in India and the fee structure is a mystery that I still cannot understand, the special education centers are not altruistic, non-profit centers. In Bengaluru, based on personal experience, I can say that remedial centers also cost a bomb. There is no transparency here also in terms of why they are charging the earth. Parents are so worried about their child that they do not hesitate to make it happen. Clinics and assessment centers are also minting money by asking parents to do different behavioral, cognitive, sensorial (and a lot more!) assessments to find the answer to the persistent question: WHY? While you meet good people with heart, you also understand that at the end of the day, it has to be profitable for it to run. They tell us that they want to reach as many children as possible. I still believe that why don't you do it right with a few children first, ensure consistency, stability, and then expand? The quality of support is constantly wavering and qualified special educators are a rare breed. My point being...things are never as rosy as is portrayed in the movie. So, when push comes to shove, the teachers also blame the children for bad behavior and poor performance. Shouldn't they focus on why a child is so disturbed to behave a particular way? Like I said, it's neither easy nor a perfect world for all folks involved. Having said this, I am grateful that there are facilities available and there are good institutions changing children's lives year after year.    
• Lastly, boarding schools are not places where children are unhappy and are treated like prisoners! The messaging is plain wrong! 

Taare Zammen Pe was a brilliant movie that had a message. It did not preach or place blame on anyone. The teacher was not made out to be like god. He just 'understood'. It made you think about approaching things differently. This is what makes the movie great. Unfortunately, Pasanga 2 is misleading and lacks proper research and understanding the topic.    

Child with a Learning Disability: Post 1

These are a series of posts about a boy full of life, a happy child who sees no differences in people. A boy who thinks each and every person out there is a friend. A boy who doesn't see that people are judging him because he is different. It is about a boy who faces the usual challenges of a boy his age and several more challenges than a boy his age. 

THE BOY AND THE SCHOOL

The teacher complained that this boy was hitting other children in class. He needed help with his work. He was not interested in doing his work. She said please teach him at home also.

The parents took the role of a teacher at home. But when the parent sat to teach, the child howled and cried and refused to learn. They dreaded opening the school diary to see complaints like 'your son is troubling children of 1st grade.' The son played really well with children in the building. The parents were confused why their child was different in school. 

The parents tried to ask questions to the teacher such as 'what caused the child to lash out?' 'how do you handle it?' 'does he target specific children?' The teacher was vague in her answers, insisting that he just lashes out. On further questioning, she shared that he was not recognizing alphabets and numbers. She advised that the parents should try harder. These things happen because of working parents who don't have time for their children. She advised that the parents should hang alphabets and numbers chart and not to worry about the decor of the house.

Soon, the child got very restless at home also. He came back home and said 'Children say I don't know ABCs; I don't know how to talk; I don't know anything.' The distressed parents spoke to the pediatrician and special educator. They were both supportive and insisted we wait a few more months. An assessment was conducted after six months. The child was diagnosed as being at risk of a learning disability.

The parents shared the information with the teacher. The teacher hinted that these children do well in special schools. The parents had arranged a meeting with the Principal. The teacher calls the parent and says 'Ma'am, can you please tell the Principal that I helped you identify the problem? We are never given credit for anything. Also, the management is pro-parents and therefore insists that we say only nice things to the parents.' Needless to say, the parent already extremely emotional and stressed politely told the teacher to get lost.

The Principal was very supportive and the special educator worked her magic with the child. But things worsened in the classroom. Complaints kept coming in steadily from the class teacher. She way of handling was to give simple tasks to the child and then send him out to play. The communication between the teacher and the special educator was extremely poor due to the teacher's ego. The parents requested the teacher to become more sensitive and understand how to handle the child from the special educator. But resistance was evident. Why should I focus on one child when I have 29 others? Every other day, the child would come and tell the parent that he was punished. One day, the child came back and said 'I don't like my teacher. She asked me to get out of the school.' The parents, who had been very patient so far, met the Principal, gave feedback and removed the child from the school. The Principal explained that there are not equipped to handle these children (and by this I guess she meant, we also don't plan to be) and washed her hands off.

What do we expect from the teachers?

• We expect them to be impartial. Treat all children alike.
• We expect them to encourage children and provide them a positive environment to learn. 
• We expect them to have the student's interests at heart. 
• What is the point in focusing on the so called 'bright' children?
• We do look for professional behavior. 

Where do we take our children if the school that claims to be inclusive is really not? During a telephonic conversation, the teacher tells the parent. I am a software engineer, I came into this line after my son was born. I want to be with children. Is this reason enough to hire a teacher? Most schools may think kindergarten is not so critical. But it is equally critical as children with mouldable personalities and hearts are sent to kindergarten. The child, in this case especially, has a fragile ego and imagine what kind of risk we are putting him in by exposing him to insensitive and untrained teachers.

The teacher must not judge the child or their parents. Parents always want to do the best for their child. This particular teacher must remember that she is a working mother too. And must understand what causes learning disability before making statements that only prove her ignorance in the matter.

Coming back to the boy.... he was sent to The Deens Academy, where the Special Educator has a group of trained teaches, a classroom setting and good infrastructure to support children with mild to moderate difficulties. The Principal, the special ed staff, headmistress and the teacher in the class are all aware of the child's individual plan. The communication is open and therefore, the child is not treated wrongly. The teacher seeks out the special ed teacher incase she wants inputs on how a tantrum or a behavior can be corrected. Where would parents take their children if such schools didn't exist? Scary....  

If your child has a learning disability, ensure that you put him or her in the right environment. These children are very intelligent and learn different. Put them in a positive environment where teachers and the school actually do the job they are meant to do --- tap the child's potential.

Stress Busters

After dinner, we were catching up on the older episodes of Mahabharat. Vidur (almost 6) also sat to watch it with us.

The gist of the episode:
Pandavas and kauravas return from Gurukul and the King arranges a competition to showcase the rajkumars' skills. Duryodhan defeats Nakul, Sahdev, Yudhishter and Bheem. Arjun easily defeats Duryodhan by freezing him in a block of ice. Dronacharya declares him the winner and the best archer in the world. To contest this, Karan challenges Arjun. But everyone protests once they find out that Karan is a charioteer's son. 

Vidur asks me why is that man going away without fighting? My husband looks at me as he is clueless about how to go about explaining caste system. I tell Vidur 'He cannot fight Arjun because he is not a king'. The innocent mind quickly processes this information and then says 'But he is wearing nice clothes... why is he not a king?' We burst out laughing as it is true Karan is well dressed. Then I  point out that the Pandavas are slightly better dressed as they are wearing the body armor. This seemed to satisfy him.

Karan and Arjun begin to compete with each other. The duel proves that both are equally good archers. One arrow from Arjun heads straight for Karan. As it reaches Karan, the sun god's protective sheild protects him. 

Vidur then asks what was that yellow thing that came on that man's chest. We explain that it's a shield. He asks where did he get it. So I explain that Karan is the son of the sun and confuse him. :) Then Rajeev explains that Karan said his prayers daily so the sun god gave him the shield to protect him from arrows.

Kids ask the cutest questions!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My daughter is now 1.5 years old. When she refuses to eat, I ask her shall I give it to Tuffy (out 3 year old retriever)? Typically, when they know there's competition, they want the item for themselves. This worked wonderfully in the beginning. Some time back, I offered her a biscuit. She tasted it and did not like it. She handed it back to me and said 'Tuffy'.  :) Now, everytime she decides she doesn't want something, she says Tuffy. Needless to say my dog is reaping the benefits!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My mom asked Vidur 'Can I keep Drishya?' Vidur promptly replied 'No, Drishya came from my mom's stomach, so she is mine.'

In another instance, I was telling Vidur that like Drishya, Vidur was also in my tummy. He immediately asks 'Did Tuffy also come from your tummy?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gone are the days when the kids come complaining about the other. Vidur and his cousin, Rishabh were playing. I heard Vidur apologizing to Rishabh over and over again. Out of curiosity, I asked what happened? Would you believe it - both looked at each other and did not answer. Then Rishabh reluctantly says 'Vidur did something that upset me. That's all.' My kids have grown up and are showing solidarity! :) 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I spent 10 days at my parents place. My daughter kept calling out to her grandfather referring to him as 'thatha.' He is a little absent minded and didn't respond. When she saw that calling him thatha was not earning her a response, she promptly called him 'Ramu' (my mom calls him that). Dad was stunned and extremely amused.

My darling girl calls me 'Archana' (or her version of it Aschanaaaa) when she is irritated with me. :) KIDS!
 
These are true stress busters. :)

What's been up at Playschool

Who is supposed to 'hate' homework?
Aren't kids supposed to hate homework? In our case, it's me! Let me start at the beginning. Vidur has been enjoying school after the summer break. Now that Vidur is in Nursery, the school thinks he is old enough to do his homework. The school has made a very good impression on me and therefore, I decided to forgive them for doing so. ;) The homework typically consist of coloring activity in their school book. I tried to look at it from their angle and came up with the following:

• They want to ensure that children get used to the 'good' habit of doing homework at the tender age of 3.5. It helps the kids understand that they can't leave their school at school like people leave their work at work... (confusing?) What I really mean is, it is all about 'discipline' and keeping some time aside for learning.
• They believe that learning will be reinforced when it is also done at home. 
• The parents sit with their child to have a look at what is being done at school. They also spend bonding time and explaining and guiding the kid through the homework. 
• (on a lighter note) They are trying to find all who the really 'good' parents are. What I mean is... which parents truly have time for their kids, which kid listens best to their parents and so on. Every time Vidur refuses to cooperate, I feel that his teacher may think I don't have the time! :D

My first reaction when I saw the circular and the school book was 'oops, how am I going to keep V from spilling things on this book and keeping it neat and clean!' But, I have begun to realize how much Vidur enjoys showing off what he has learnt at school. The restless child that he is, he finishes it quickly and then moves on to painting at free will on a canvas. That's more his style, hates the rules and boundaries.. :)

Let the kid decide. 

Vidur, to a large extent, uses his left hand for doing things like throwing a ball, eating his favorite food, painting, and so on. He also uses his right hand every now and then. Few traditionalists have also asked him to use his other hand. He obeys them for a while and then reverts back to his left hand. I noticed that as soon as Vidur saw his school book and I asked him to color or write in it, he shifted the crayon to his right hand. As soon as he was done, I gave him his 'informal, non-school' drawing book to paint. He immediately shifted the paintbrush to his left. I wrote a note to his teacher and also spoke to the incharge at school. Here's what I said: 

Vidur prominently uses his left hand and ever since school has begun, I see that he tries using his right hand for doing the tasks that remind him of his school (mainly homework). I am really not particular about which hand he chooses, but I do want the teacher to leave that choice to Vidur. I told her that I understood that the teacher may not be aware and she helps him write by holding his hand. I wanted to bring this to their notice. The in-charge was really sweet about it. She agreed that it was not right to change the preference and that she will have a word with teacher.

His previous teacher had also confessed that she had been encouraging Vidur to eat with his right hand. I had to make my point very clearly saying I don't mind which hand he eats with. You can tell him not to eat with both hands, but avoid telling him which hand to use. Indians are especially paranoid about using left hand for 'important' tasks like eating. I keep telling people let him decide and then we can figure it out.

I am not looking to make my kid unique and ensure he is left handed. At the same time, I am not going to force my child to use his right hand because it is the most preferred hand for a majority. Research shows that changing this can actually affect the brain. We have to give kids the time to figure out which hand they are most comfortable using.

Stylish Blogger Award - Thank You Speech

My good friend and colleague, Nishana has awarded this blog the Stylish Blogger Award. I would like to thank her for the same. As per tradition of this award, I am to list 7 random facts about me. But, because this blog is about me, my son and my doggie, you will have to read 7 random facts about each one of us. What can I say, it's tradition. :)

7 Random Facts About Archana

1. I absolutely love reading books ranging from Mills and Boons to James Patterson to Learning by Doing. What I can't stand and never finish are self-help books. They bore me to death. 
2. I watch animated movies and the current cartoons more because I enjoy them. But, I let people believe that I am forced to watch them because of my son. :)
3. I am a sympathetic listener and most people tend to share their life stories with me. 
4. I love my work and feel sorry for those who don't. I also work from home and hate people who assume I have it easy and don't respect my work. 
5. My mom is my strength, my sister my confidant/critic.
6. I am reserved with people I don't know or don't like and extremely talkative with people I know and love. 
7. I did not know that I was a 'creative' person till I joined Kern. I did not know that I write well till I started writing for the company blog. 

7 Random Facts About Vidur

1. Use any gadget in front of him once and he will master it. Be it switching on and using a treadmill, playing a car racing game on my father-in-law's iPhone, operating my phone to play games, watch a video, take a pic, and so on. 
2. He has learnt the art of persuasion. If amma says no, ask ammama (grandmother). It always works. Grandmother's heart melts. 
3. He loves pastas and noodles. He gets extremely excited when he sees a dominoes delivery bike and runs upto to him and requests for pasta.  
4. He imitates the cartoon heroes. If you see him playing by himself, you will observe him talking to himself and saying 'Toodles' or eating ladoos or behaving like tom or jerry. At this young age, he also says I will be Buzz Lightyear, what do you want to be? 
5. I find it more entertaining watching his face as he watches something on TV. His face is a kaleidoscope of expressions. 
6. He fears nothing. He is not scared of the dark or of being left alone or of being whacked or policemen. The closest he comes to fearing anything is Deepa chithi, I think. She is the only one he listens to. :)
7. He can be a terror with all the running and jumping he does, but he loves to help out. Ask him to get water for you, or help you clean the titles and he will do so immediately. 

 7 Random Facts About Tuffy

1. Tuffy had another home before ours. The couple gave him away because they were relocating. Their loss I believe. 
2. He insists on saying hi to EVERYONE. He does not understand there are dog-people and non-dog people. In his world, everyone loves him. 
3. If you walk around with a handkerchief, you better watch out. This is his biggest weakness. He has to have that piece of cloth. 
4. He finds food on Vidur's plate more interesting than food in his own plate. This is the case even when it is the same thing! 
5. He is extremely possessive about me. Rajeev and I were talking once and Tuffy decides to butt in and sit on my lap. My uncle and dad fondly call him a cow because of his size. :) 
6. He understands Tamil better than English. He listens (unfortunately) only to me. 
7. He loves chewing on plastics toys/cups and soft toys. The satisfaction he gets from ripping a toy apart is incomparable.     

I would like to pass this award to the following blogs:

• R's World
• Next Take!

************************************* 

RULES:

Thank and link back to the person who sent you the award.

Share seven things about yourself.

Spread the love and honor. Award recently discovered bloggers.

Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.

************************************* 

My Way Or the Highway!

Summer vacations are on for Vidur and therefore, bed time is flexible. He mostly lazes around the house, plays a lot of cricket, paints, plays with dough and watches his favorite cartoons. At home, my TV time is given the least priority. Vidur has top priority and then my husband. So, fights over what to watch typically take place between my husband (a 30 something) and my son (all of his 3 years). My husband has actually had to sacrifice a lot of his TV time to watch Tom and Jerry. I know what is the latest in Mr. Bean Animated/Ben 10/and so on. I love bollywood movies and used to watch Zoom (bollywood news and trailers) all the time. But, this is no longer the case. It was so bad that when emails were doing rounds of Munni vs Sheila, I was clueless as to who Sheila was. I called my mom (epitome of bollywood wisdom) to check on this.

Back to the clash between father and son, that particular evening, hubby was watching two movies simultaneously (it's an art) on cable TV. Vidur explained that he wanted to watch Tom and Jerry. Rajeev very firmly said we can't always watch what you want to watch. You can watch Tom and Jerry on the other TV. Vidur tried a few more times and that's when I decided to intervene. I put on Incredibles on the computer for him to watch. Vidur watched for a while, then got bored, and decided to play with Tuffy. I had some work so after cleaning up the Kitchen, I settled to work.

At 9:30, Vidur tells my husband, 'Off Tv, Dudu (that's what he calls himself) wants to sleep.' Rajeev was thrilled! This kid hates sleeping and fights it even when he is almost asleep. Vidur came up to me and said 'Look at time, come let's sleep amma.' He pulled me by my hand and led us to the bedroom. Rajeev tried singing him to sleep and all the while Vidur was facing me and had his eyes wide open. I wondered how he could feel sleepy after his marathon nap of three hours in the afternoon. I decided to get up and finish my work.

At 10:00, Vidur comes and settles himself on the bean bag. He looks at me and whispers 'Amma, appa sleeping, on TV, I want Tom and Jerry.' I was extremely amused as my son had managed to strategize and carry out his plan. He managed to put his father to sleep and have the TV all to himself! Kids are really smart these days.... watch out for them! 

My Brave Boy!

As most of my Facebook Buddies know (because of this pic), Vidur ran into the wall. It was the scariest thing watching my maid bring him to me with a terrible wound near his eye. As soon as I saw it, I realized that I have to take him to the doctor. I called my mom and told her to catch hold of V's doctor, took the car and rushed out. On the way, I was informed that the doctor suggested that I take him directly to a hospital. The traffic was pretty bad. Rajeev was stuck in training and therefore, there was no point contacting him.

My cousin (the hero of the day) kept calling me to check where I was going, whether I was fine, etc. I reached the hospital finally and asked the security were I had to park the car. The security guy took one look at Vidur and said leave your car here and take your son to the emergency. He then asked me how it happened as I parked it as close I could to the curb. After I explained briefly, he started saying in Hindi 'You people just don't take care of your children. Look what has happened to him.' Needless to say, I saw red. I took a precious half minute to tell him what I thought 'Is it really important for me to listen to your lecture now? Do you realize how worried and upset I am as his mother? Can you please shut up?' He got a little worried and said 'Yes ma'am. The emergency ward is this way.' I can truly understand how Geet from Jab we Met felt with that old station master.

As I entered the emergency, people jumped to attention. They immediately took over and started cleaning the wound. Till before this, Vidur insisted that he did not want to meet a doctor. But the nurses here were so good with him, he allowed them to clean as he answered important questions about his school. The doctor asked what happened. All the cleaning and the worry finally got to me. I called up my cousin and told him I needed him here. He was already on his way with my mom. What I am skipping due to acute embarrassment is the fact that I felt giddy and nurses and doc insisted that I lie down in the bed next to Vidur. Very embarrassing and funny! Vidur asked me what happened and I said nothing, it's my chance now. He was happy with that. The emergency people insisted Vidur will not need stitches but he has to meet the plastic surgeon about the scar. By this time, Vidur was enjoying all the attention he was getting. He was actually lying down with one leg over another calling for the doctor.

My cousin and mom arrived finally. They were worried about me and so they took over from there. As we waited to see the plastic surgeon, Vidur went back to being Vidur and ran all over the place. People saw his dressing and kept telling him go slowly and giving me dirty looks. As he was running, my sweet child stopped in front of me, put his hand under my chin and asked 'Amma, you ok?' I had tears in my eyes as I said 'I am fine sweetie. Are you ok?' (ok enough mush) He said 'Am fine' and continued running and driving my cousin crazy. :)

The plastic surgeon had one look at his wound and said he needs stitches. He believed that Vidur will cooperate and so we can do it with local anesthesia. Karthik was the pillar of support at the treatment room. He kept saying please wait outside. I will be with him. But I had to stay with Vidur. Vidur was a really, really brave boy. He did as he was told, didn't cry and was an angel (shows he can be when he wants to be). He just didn't like the fact that water was falling over his face and kept complaining about that. But understood when I explained that the doctor was cleaning the wound. The doctor finally said it's almost over and I parroted the same for Vidur. Vidur said 'Thank you uncle'. Sweetheart, remembers his manners at the weirdest of situations! By the time the doctor finished, he was asleep.  The doctor said 'Boys his age usually scream and shout and cry. He is a very cooperative boy.' The nurse also promptly agreed and said he is good boy. :)

The weirdest thing is after we got back from the hospital and I was sitting near him, he turned to me and asked 'Amma, you ok?' Then, again last night, in his sleep, he asks me 'Amma, you ok?' Now I am seriously worried whether something is wrong with me :D. Jokes apart, I am touched that Vidur thinks of me even at such a young age, especially when he has been hurt! Love him the most!