Meet My Parents

His grandmother has to (I mean HAS TO) see him at least for a minute everyday. I constantly remind her, I am working come later. If she doesn't see him once in a day, she accuses me of having kept her away from her grandson! So, this has become a routine off late. Every time Vidur hears my computer ringing, he drops everything and scrambles on to my lap ready to pose for my parents. My mother has taught him to give a flying kiss through the webcam (using web 2.0 to teach? ;)). As soon as the webcam is switched on, Vidur gets into his act. He starts counting, dancing, talking, shooting flying kisses so that mother and father can go all oooh so sweet and all.

On days when my father joins in all the fun, he sings Vidur's favourite (actually my dad's favourite and all of Doha can vouch for this) song "pulang guzhal". Vidur starts dancing for my father (father loving his reaction sings the whole song!). When my mother shows Micky (yes, we are a crazy family :)), Vidur gets so exicted. My mother feels snubbed as she believes that Vidur is more excited to see Micky than her. Micky looks absolutely frightened, hoping that Vidur will not jump out of the computer and make her nightmares real. :D

Vidur used to find it increasingly awkward to wave bye bye to the computer. But he has got the hang of it. He talks, dances, waves and enjoys all the attention he gets. He basks in the glory of being loved by his grandparents who are miles and miles away.

More than a handful

Vidur is very naughty! For most questions, he responds with a yes these days. The only two questions to which he says a no to are:
1) Shall we give the rest of your food to the crow?
2) Do you want to sleep? (even he is dead tired)

I was very proud that my son says amma (mother) and appa (father). But lately he has derived his own meaning for these. He says amma to anyone whose attention he wants to gain. He says abba (derived from ba which means come) when he wants to be lifted and when he doesn't want someone to leave him and go. So, most people will wonder why this child is screaming amma and appa when they are standing right next to him.

Recently people are asking me, "so has he started talking?" I am not sure how to answer this. He is talking, mostly baby talk. He talks a lot to himself also (I always thought it was a sign of being crazy). He is not talking English or Tamil if that's what people are asking. He uses several Tamil words in his diction such as amma, appa, anna, thatha but all these have completely different meanings than what is univerally accepted. (BTW I refuse to feel worried that my son has not begun 'talking'. He will 'talk' when he is ready. I am constantly adviced that I must keep talking to him. I do talk to him! People are so quick to judge how you are as a mother.)

Most days, I spend in guilt thinking "Am I losing my patience more often these days?" He is always doing things he is not supposed to be doing, eating things he is not supposed to be eating, and being in places where he should not be. If I look away for even a minute, he may open the shoe rack and taste a shoe, eat mud from the potted plants, play with his own pee or shit, grab anything interesting enough from the edge of the table, and so on.

Vidur has the learnt the age old trick of protesting using tears if reprimanded. Today, he hit me on the head several times with a big block (talk about a whole new angle to domestic violence). In turn, I glared at him and snatched the blocks from his hand. He immediately started howling as though I had struck him. When I tried to console him, he tried to whack me again! As per his rules, he should be allowed to whack me. How do I handle this? I have tried explaining saying 'Amma paavum" (meaning mom is a poor thing). Doesn't work, he still wants to hit me. I am sure he still loves me though. You can only take such liberties with your mother (hee hee). After all this, he still manages to look like an angel when he is asleep.

Ginott's take on communicating with your kid

I was doing some work related research when I came across Haim Ginott's Communications Approach on Wikipedia. I have pasted the content below.

The following serve to illustrate Dr. Ginott's communications approach:

• Never deny or ignore a child's feelings.
• Only behavior is treated as unacceptable, not the child.
• Depersonalize negative interactions by mentioning only the problem. "I see a messy room"
• Attach Rules to things, e.g., "Little sisters are not for hitting."
• Dependence breeds hostility. Let children do for themself what they can.
• Children need to learn to choose but within the safety of limits. "Would you like to wear this blue shirt or this red one?"
• Limit criticism to a specific event - don't say 'never', 'always', e.g. "You never listen learn," "You always manage to spill things", etc.
• Refrain from using words that the child may repeat unwantedly

My Support System

In the month of Dec-Jan, I was very sick. Most doctors thought it was viral fever. But it refused to go away. I had just gotten back from Doha and was feeling no better. My hubby nearly panicked when my temperature sky rocketed to 104. Finally, with no time to prepare, I had to be admitted in hospital. We called my in laws and requested them to come immediately. They were ready to leave as soon as possible. They decided against the flight and opted for the evening train. My father in law managed to somehow get tickets. I wanted Rajeev to be with Vidur and therefore, requested my darling grandmom to stay with me. Ever ready to help, she was ready to come keep me company. My mother and sister kept calling me to know what was happening. My mom (against my advice) decided to take the next flight out to come take care of me. I was honestly glad she was coming. My mother in law would take care of Vidur and my mother can take care of me. Hubby was under a lot of pressure to balance home, work and hospital. :) But he did everything he could and I love him for that.

I was in the hospital for almost 6 six days. Each day away from Vidur was very painful. Like most people, I take my family for granted. But today, I would like to take a moment to give them their due. I feel so loved; whenever I am in trouble, there are so many people who will put their lives on hold to ensure mine is functioning smoothly. What would I do without the love of such people. Especially my mother, she spoils me rotten. She took great care of me, listened to my nonsense, consoled me when I was down, never let me lift a finger till I was absolutely capable, put up with my mood swings, and many many more smaller things through which she showed her love. Mothers are afterall mothers, I guess.

BTW, we found a fiance for my sister because I fell sick. My mom was able to attend a marriage because she was here. Her friend suggested that there was a really nice boy from a very nice family. Everything worked out perfectly! Sriram is the sweetest guy I have ever met and his family is very, very warm and genuine. Like they say, somethings happen for the good.