What holds Vidur's attention?

I am feeling very guilty about not blogging. It has been a long time. Work, my sister's marriage preparations, and Vidur kept me busy. I have been dying to share the list of things that fascinate Vidur. Here they are:

Animals
Firstly, he loves dogs (I love dogs too and therefore, I am secretly proud of this!) He stops to talk to a stray dog and enjoys watching Micky (my parent's dog) on the Webcam. He loves his stuffed doggie. He gives it a hug very often and carries it around. He also feeds it whatever he is eating. He insists that the doggie open its mouth and so, he keeps saying 'aaaa, aaaa'. They make a cute picture. He is also fascinated by other animals. He loves watching the goats eat garbage from the balcony. During his evening walks, he stops and stares at the cow (with huge, colourful horns) that is tied to a pole. He thoroughly enjoyed his time at the Doha zoo. Vandalur zoo was a big disappointment for him. (will not go into the details here; it was my fault after all. All the animals were in their den and we were under the hot, merciless sun hoping for a glimse!)

Escalators
Vidur loves escalators. He insists on standing on it as it takes him up. When it is over, he demands that he be taken on it again. We had taken him to Citi Center last weekend. There are four pairs of escalators in this mall. He loved every minute of it. He is yet to understand that escalators are unidirectional and kept insisting that we go back to the one we left. So, rather than have him run around the mall pulling stackes of clothing with him, we prefer accompanying Vidur on the escalator over and over again.

Beach
A huge gang - My parents, sister, grandmother, sister's future in-laws, hubby, vidur and I - visited the beach two weeks back. It was a pleasant evening. Vidur enjoyed playing with the sand. He took a fistful of sand and threw it around. He was not too keen about the water and the waves. He refused to stand in the water. :) He played football with other kids (for about a minute). His dad promptly bought him a ball. But Vidur was through playing football. He wanted to now cover the plastic stools near the bhaji stall with sand. His grandfather made him sit in a merry-go-round. He looked majestic sitting in a red car. He was very reluctant to leave it.

Electrical Machines
He has to be around when we switch on the TV, microwave, blender, grinder, or open the fridge. He has learnt to switch the TV on/off using the big round button on the TV. We are having a really diffciult time getting him to stop. The naugty boy watches the ads and switches it off when my program begins!

Ads
Vidur is facinated by commercial advertisements. Regardless of whether it is a fairness cream or a Harpic ad, he loves it. He stares at the screen in awe. My cousin's son, Aarav and Rishabh, also love ads. So it must be the catchy tone, the attention grabbing incidents that capture their interest.

Music
He hears a tune and he starts dancing. He dances when our neighbor plays music, when a car with a musical tune reverses, anything that sings. It is a pleasure to watch him enjoy the music.

Vidur's first haircut

Vidur's hair had started curling at the ends. He was looking shabby in a very cute way. I decided to give him a haircut. It is getting really hot here and because he is so active, his hair is always dripping sweat. So, I took him to Green Trends for his first haircut. There I was asked whether I wanted him to use the electric razor. I said No, please use the scissors to trim his hair. Green Trends has a separate kids section. The person asked me whether Vidur would sit alone. I said no, can I make him sit on my lap as you cut his hair. He said ok and escorted me to the gents sections.

From here, things got tough. The person cutting Vidur's hair was very patient and kept talking to him. You must be wondering what Vidur's reaction to the scissors was. Well, he was fascinated. He wanted to turn his head an watch his hair being cut. We had to distract him to stop him. What I love about salons is that it has mirrors. Vidur loves mirrors. Like I have mentioned in my previous posts, Vidur loves to look at himself and give himself a kiss. So he sat still for sometime. He snipped and snapped a lot. But it seemed to take a really long time. And Vidur did not plan to sit idle for so long. He again tried to look at the scissors. We tried to distract him using our phones. The hairdresser was finding it incredibly difficult to cut Vidur's hair while he sat on my lap. So I had to make him stand on my lap. I am sure this must have looked very comical to a third person. The hairdresser managed to cut off the curls, but was not able to give Vidur a close cut. The middle of his head still seemed to stand up. I decided that this was sufficient for a first haircut. I got back home.

I was thrilled about Vidur's new look. But guess what?! No one noticed that Vidur had had a haircut. They didn't believe me. I was reminded of Aamir Khan's dialogue in Andaz Apna Apna 'Baal kate bhi hai aur patha bhi nahi chalta!'

Vidur being Vidur in a train full of people

I had planned a fun long weekend at Bangalore. There were two reasons why i opted for Shathabdi Express:

1. My cousin advised me that chair car travel may be better than a sleeper berth. She advised this because she had traveled with me last time in the night train. She had witnessed Vidur howl his heart away.
2. I was really not sure which to opt for. Also, I was eager to start my holiday faster by reaching there the same day.
   

I boarded Shathabi at 5:00 pm. As I settled into my seat, I scanned around. There were two old men seated at the window and middle seat. The old man in the middle was reading a very serious looking book on religion and God. He did not look up till Vidur kicked him in his excitement. The old man looked very seriously at his thigh, repositioned himself (probably in the hope of increasing the distance between my son and himself), and got back to his book. This was when I realized that this journey was not going to be a pleasant one. I gave Vidur some milk. I could imagine the old man seated next to me look at me through the corner of his eye. He must have wondered how I was going to mix the milk with a hyper child on my lap. However, I managed to do this task efficiently (I was praying through out!). I enjoyed the few minutes of not having to control Vidur as he was busy slurping. As soon as the milk was over, Vidur decided he must be let down. I managed to keep him on my lap till the train started. Once off my lap, Vidur scanned the environment. He was happy to see that there were so many people.

He ran up to a big, bearded man with a skull cap. He was fascinated by his beard and he reached out to give it a tug. Luckily, the man moved away anticipating Vidur's intention. Vidur decided to walk all the way down the aisle. On the way, he stopped to talk to people, tap them on their arms to draw their attention. There were two people seated along the aisle, working on their laptops. One of them was very sweet to Vidur and he encouraged him to bang on his laptop. The other was not sure how to get Vidur to stop doing what he was doing. He was probably thinking to himself, 'Where's the mother? Shouldn't she be teaching her son some manners?' Vidur continued walking up and down, enjoying himself thoroughly.

I boarded the train looking like an optimistic mother with an angel for a child. Thirty minutes later, I was looking hassled with a naughty little prankster for a child. Most people responded beautifully to Vidur. But, I couldn't allow him to trouble people over and over again. People had other things to do like eat and sleep in peace. The final straw was when the server serving hot tea and coffee said 'Please take your child out of the way. Coffee is hot.' What he said made sense, but what was I supposed to do? Vidur refused to sit in one place. He had gotten the taste of freedom and was not about to let go so easily.

To top it all, Vidur was very sleepy. I had hoped he would sleep once the train started. But, Vidur had other plans. Sleepy Vidur was not able to walk straight and was swaying dangerously on his feet. I did not have much of a choice. I spent most of the journey from here standing outside the AC compartment near the toilet (I would have used the term restroom, but that really does not qualify for our trains). Vidur was very upset. I had taken his freedom away and separated him from all those people! He tried to get down. When this didn't work, he tried howling his protest. I desperately tried to make him sleep. Several really nice people stopped to talk to me about the kid and what I do. All I kept thinking is, 'I am trying to make him sleep. Can't you see?' But I am really grateful, else my journey would have been absolutely boring. I also got advised that should try the night train next time. I should let Vidur tire himself out during the day so that he sleeps peacefully in the train.

Finally, 90 minutes before the end of the journey, Vidur gave in. I could finally go sit in my seat. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep too. By this time the other children in the train were up and were playing. Their noise and the general excitement of people when a train is approaches its destination woke Vidur up half an hour before the actual arrival. The children were happy to see Vidur was up. Vidur was desperately trying to rub sleep off his eyes. He gave up and closed his eyes again. A kid right then screamed hello into his ear. Startled Vidur was finally up and I was so bugged with that kid. Vidur decided that it was time t get off the train now. He insisted that I stand and lept pointing toward the door. The train finally stopped and Harish (my cousin) and Deepa (my sister) finally relieved me of Vidur and my luggage.

I am not going to travel anywhere for some time. I need time to recharge my batteries...

Meet My Parents

His grandmother has to (I mean HAS TO) see him at least for a minute everyday. I constantly remind her, I am working come later. If she doesn't see him once in a day, she accuses me of having kept her away from her grandson! So, this has become a routine off late. Every time Vidur hears my computer ringing, he drops everything and scrambles on to my lap ready to pose for my parents. My mother has taught him to give a flying kiss through the webcam (using web 2.0 to teach? ;)). As soon as the webcam is switched on, Vidur gets into his act. He starts counting, dancing, talking, shooting flying kisses so that mother and father can go all oooh so sweet and all.

On days when my father joins in all the fun, he sings Vidur's favourite (actually my dad's favourite and all of Doha can vouch for this) song "pulang guzhal". Vidur starts dancing for my father (father loving his reaction sings the whole song!). When my mother shows Micky (yes, we are a crazy family :)), Vidur gets so exicted. My mother feels snubbed as she believes that Vidur is more excited to see Micky than her. Micky looks absolutely frightened, hoping that Vidur will not jump out of the computer and make her nightmares real. :D

Vidur used to find it increasingly awkward to wave bye bye to the computer. But he has got the hang of it. He talks, dances, waves and enjoys all the attention he gets. He basks in the glory of being loved by his grandparents who are miles and miles away.

More than a handful

Vidur is very naughty! For most questions, he responds with a yes these days. The only two questions to which he says a no to are:
1) Shall we give the rest of your food to the crow?
2) Do you want to sleep? (even he is dead tired)

I was very proud that my son says amma (mother) and appa (father). But lately he has derived his own meaning for these. He says amma to anyone whose attention he wants to gain. He says abba (derived from ba which means come) when he wants to be lifted and when he doesn't want someone to leave him and go. So, most people will wonder why this child is screaming amma and appa when they are standing right next to him.

Recently people are asking me, "so has he started talking?" I am not sure how to answer this. He is talking, mostly baby talk. He talks a lot to himself also (I always thought it was a sign of being crazy). He is not talking English or Tamil if that's what people are asking. He uses several Tamil words in his diction such as amma, appa, anna, thatha but all these have completely different meanings than what is univerally accepted. (BTW I refuse to feel worried that my son has not begun 'talking'. He will 'talk' when he is ready. I am constantly adviced that I must keep talking to him. I do talk to him! People are so quick to judge how you are as a mother.)

Most days, I spend in guilt thinking "Am I losing my patience more often these days?" He is always doing things he is not supposed to be doing, eating things he is not supposed to be eating, and being in places where he should not be. If I look away for even a minute, he may open the shoe rack and taste a shoe, eat mud from the potted plants, play with his own pee or shit, grab anything interesting enough from the edge of the table, and so on.

Vidur has the learnt the age old trick of protesting using tears if reprimanded. Today, he hit me on the head several times with a big block (talk about a whole new angle to domestic violence). In turn, I glared at him and snatched the blocks from his hand. He immediately started howling as though I had struck him. When I tried to console him, he tried to whack me again! As per his rules, he should be allowed to whack me. How do I handle this? I have tried explaining saying 'Amma paavum" (meaning mom is a poor thing). Doesn't work, he still wants to hit me. I am sure he still loves me though. You can only take such liberties with your mother (hee hee). After all this, he still manages to look like an angel when he is asleep.

Ginott's take on communicating with your kid

I was doing some work related research when I came across Haim Ginott's Communications Approach on Wikipedia. I have pasted the content below.

The following serve to illustrate Dr. Ginott's communications approach:

• Never deny or ignore a child's feelings.
• Only behavior is treated as unacceptable, not the child.
• Depersonalize negative interactions by mentioning only the problem. "I see a messy room"
• Attach Rules to things, e.g., "Little sisters are not for hitting."
• Dependence breeds hostility. Let children do for themself what they can.
• Children need to learn to choose but within the safety of limits. "Would you like to wear this blue shirt or this red one?"
• Limit criticism to a specific event - don't say 'never', 'always', e.g. "You never listen learn," "You always manage to spill things", etc.
• Refrain from using words that the child may repeat unwantedly

My Support System

In the month of Dec-Jan, I was very sick. Most doctors thought it was viral fever. But it refused to go away. I had just gotten back from Doha and was feeling no better. My hubby nearly panicked when my temperature sky rocketed to 104. Finally, with no time to prepare, I had to be admitted in hospital. We called my in laws and requested them to come immediately. They were ready to leave as soon as possible. They decided against the flight and opted for the evening train. My father in law managed to somehow get tickets. I wanted Rajeev to be with Vidur and therefore, requested my darling grandmom to stay with me. Ever ready to help, she was ready to come keep me company. My mother and sister kept calling me to know what was happening. My mom (against my advice) decided to take the next flight out to come take care of me. I was honestly glad she was coming. My mother in law would take care of Vidur and my mother can take care of me. Hubby was under a lot of pressure to balance home, work and hospital. :) But he did everything he could and I love him for that.

I was in the hospital for almost 6 six days. Each day away from Vidur was very painful. Like most people, I take my family for granted. But today, I would like to take a moment to give them their due. I feel so loved; whenever I am in trouble, there are so many people who will put their lives on hold to ensure mine is functioning smoothly. What would I do without the love of such people. Especially my mother, she spoils me rotten. She took great care of me, listened to my nonsense, consoled me when I was down, never let me lift a finger till I was absolutely capable, put up with my mood swings, and many many more smaller things through which she showed her love. Mothers are afterall mothers, I guess.

BTW, we found a fiance for my sister because I fell sick. My mom was able to attend a marriage because she was here. Her friend suggested that there was a really nice boy from a very nice family. Everything worked out perfectly! Sriram is the sweetest guy I have ever met and his family is very, very warm and genuine. Like they say, somethings happen for the good.