Meet My Parents

His grandmother has to (I mean HAS TO) see him at least for a minute everyday. I constantly remind her, I am working come later. If she doesn't see him once in a day, she accuses me of having kept her away from her grandson! So, this has become a routine off late. Every time Vidur hears my computer ringing, he drops everything and scrambles on to my lap ready to pose for my parents. My mother has taught him to give a flying kiss through the webcam (using web 2.0 to teach? ;)). As soon as the webcam is switched on, Vidur gets into his act. He starts counting, dancing, talking, shooting flying kisses so that mother and father can go all oooh so sweet and all.

On days when my father joins in all the fun, he sings Vidur's favourite (actually my dad's favourite and all of Doha can vouch for this) song "pulang guzhal". Vidur starts dancing for my father (father loving his reaction sings the whole song!). When my mother shows Micky (yes, we are a crazy family :)), Vidur gets so exicted. My mother feels snubbed as she believes that Vidur is more excited to see Micky than her. Micky looks absolutely frightened, hoping that Vidur will not jump out of the computer and make her nightmares real. :D

Vidur used to find it increasingly awkward to wave bye bye to the computer. But he has got the hang of it. He talks, dances, waves and enjoys all the attention he gets. He basks in the glory of being loved by his grandparents who are miles and miles away.

More than a handful

Vidur is very naughty! For most questions, he responds with a yes these days. The only two questions to which he says a no to are:
1) Shall we give the rest of your food to the crow?
2) Do you want to sleep? (even he is dead tired)

I was very proud that my son says amma (mother) and appa (father). But lately he has derived his own meaning for these. He says amma to anyone whose attention he wants to gain. He says abba (derived from ba which means come) when he wants to be lifted and when he doesn't want someone to leave him and go. So, most people will wonder why this child is screaming amma and appa when they are standing right next to him.

Recently people are asking me, "so has he started talking?" I am not sure how to answer this. He is talking, mostly baby talk. He talks a lot to himself also (I always thought it was a sign of being crazy). He is not talking English or Tamil if that's what people are asking. He uses several Tamil words in his diction such as amma, appa, anna, thatha but all these have completely different meanings than what is univerally accepted. (BTW I refuse to feel worried that my son has not begun 'talking'. He will 'talk' when he is ready. I am constantly adviced that I must keep talking to him. I do talk to him! People are so quick to judge how you are as a mother.)

Most days, I spend in guilt thinking "Am I losing my patience more often these days?" He is always doing things he is not supposed to be doing, eating things he is not supposed to be eating, and being in places where he should not be. If I look away for even a minute, he may open the shoe rack and taste a shoe, eat mud from the potted plants, play with his own pee or shit, grab anything interesting enough from the edge of the table, and so on.

Vidur has the learnt the age old trick of protesting using tears if reprimanded. Today, he hit me on the head several times with a big block (talk about a whole new angle to domestic violence). In turn, I glared at him and snatched the blocks from his hand. He immediately started howling as though I had struck him. When I tried to console him, he tried to whack me again! As per his rules, he should be allowed to whack me. How do I handle this? I have tried explaining saying 'Amma paavum" (meaning mom is a poor thing). Doesn't work, he still wants to hit me. I am sure he still loves me though. You can only take such liberties with your mother (hee hee). After all this, he still manages to look like an angel when he is asleep.

Ginott's take on communicating with your kid

I was doing some work related research when I came across Haim Ginott's Communications Approach on Wikipedia. I have pasted the content below.

The following serve to illustrate Dr. Ginott's communications approach:

• Never deny or ignore a child's feelings.
• Only behavior is treated as unacceptable, not the child.
• Depersonalize negative interactions by mentioning only the problem. "I see a messy room"
• Attach Rules to things, e.g., "Little sisters are not for hitting."
• Dependence breeds hostility. Let children do for themself what they can.
• Children need to learn to choose but within the safety of limits. "Would you like to wear this blue shirt or this red one?"
• Limit criticism to a specific event - don't say 'never', 'always', e.g. "You never listen learn," "You always manage to spill things", etc.
• Refrain from using words that the child may repeat unwantedly

My Support System

In the month of Dec-Jan, I was very sick. Most doctors thought it was viral fever. But it refused to go away. I had just gotten back from Doha and was feeling no better. My hubby nearly panicked when my temperature sky rocketed to 104. Finally, with no time to prepare, I had to be admitted in hospital. We called my in laws and requested them to come immediately. They were ready to leave as soon as possible. They decided against the flight and opted for the evening train. My father in law managed to somehow get tickets. I wanted Rajeev to be with Vidur and therefore, requested my darling grandmom to stay with me. Ever ready to help, she was ready to come keep me company. My mother and sister kept calling me to know what was happening. My mom (against my advice) decided to take the next flight out to come take care of me. I was honestly glad she was coming. My mother in law would take care of Vidur and my mother can take care of me. Hubby was under a lot of pressure to balance home, work and hospital. :) But he did everything he could and I love him for that.

I was in the hospital for almost 6 six days. Each day away from Vidur was very painful. Like most people, I take my family for granted. But today, I would like to take a moment to give them their due. I feel so loved; whenever I am in trouble, there are so many people who will put their lives on hold to ensure mine is functioning smoothly. What would I do without the love of such people. Especially my mother, she spoils me rotten. She took great care of me, listened to my nonsense, consoled me when I was down, never let me lift a finger till I was absolutely capable, put up with my mood swings, and many many more smaller things through which she showed her love. Mothers are afterall mothers, I guess.

BTW, we found a fiance for my sister because I fell sick. My mom was able to attend a marriage because she was here. Her friend suggested that there was a really nice boy from a very nice family. Everything worked out perfectly! Sriram is the sweetest guy I have ever met and his family is very, very warm and genuine. Like they say, somethings happen for the good.

Blog Personality Type

ESFP - The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.








I am really not sure whether this is true. My blog personality for Speak Out is different. I guess the writing style is different (?). But, seemed interesting enough to try once. Check out your blog personality type at Typealyzer

Kids and Computer Games

My husband and I had visited my neighbor's place. As with all parents, the topics revolved around children, school and play. My hubby pointed out that most children today are protected. They do not have a playground to play in, they sit in AC classrooms. My neighbor agreed and said that most children are hooked to TVs and computer games. She mentioned that she encouraged her children to read several books. She said these days children are so hooked to the TV and computer games. My attention was caught. I replied saying I think computer games are good for children. She said yes but I don't think she believed me. I don't blame her, most parents would not agree with me.

I really, really believe that computer games help children think, strategize, and even learn. It helps them analyze situations and gives them a lot of confidence. It encourages them to achieve something and not give up till they do. I grew up playing cricket, TT, hide and seek with my sis and cousin. I also grew up playing several computer games such as Prince of Persia, Alladin, Mario Brothers, Packman, Mortal Combat, Road Rash, Need for Speed, Wolfenstein, and so on. These were most single player games then (or we had just one joystick) but we stick played as a team. And, it was absolutely fun! :)

It is important for children to find the right balance between indoor and outdoor activities. Parents can help them find this balance. I am waiting for my son to grow up so that I get an excuse to play some games. :D Let it not be only about studies. Let them play!

Why Compare?

Saturdays and Sundays are half days for my maid. I get to spend quality time with my son on these days. Every evening, Vidur goes in his tricycle for a walk. This Saturday I took him for his evening walk. I met several of his friends on the way. It is a pleasure to watch him as he scans his environment for interesting things. He talks to people on the way.

My maid always mentions an old man who takes his grand daughter for a walk. Yesterday, I got to meet him. We chit chatted about the babies. Vidur and she are of the same age. He then told me that his granddaughter had not started standing without support and that everyone at home was anxious about this. I asked him whether she is standing holding onto to something and he said yes she is. I then consoled him saying don't worry she will do it soon. As she is pretty active, he should not worry. Each child is different.

This incident reminded me of several instances where mother/family members compare children of similar age. I remember when my son got teeth early, there were family member of other kids the same age telling me that teeth that come later are stronger. Really, do I have control over such things? Everything is compared. What tricks does your child do? How tall/heavy/fair is your child? Which doctor are you consulting? Are you sure she/he is good? Know what, my doctor is the best in the world. Seriously! Your child did this now, my kid did it ages ago. Puhlease! Why compare? Some kids do things early, while others take time. This does not mean that the kids who do things faster are going to be smarter than the ones who are slower.

Take pride in what your child does. It is special for you. For you, your child is the best and the smartest. Don't compare and doubt your child's learning curve. Also, please don't put down another child by proving that your child is smart.